Has it been so long since we’ve spoken? I promise, I haven’t forgotten you, however, I haven’t been able to find the right words to say. I have photographs, LOADS of them actually, to share, however sometimes I feel that just that just isn’t enough and recently I’ve been at a loss for words… So here’s me trying to find some:
It’s December and since the summer my life has drastically changed. I’m back to French school in Paris as well as experiencing a photography business that is flourishing. Everything is more than lovely at home and Christmas time is my favorite time of year besides summer. The house smells of cinnamon and I have the urge to bake every single day. It’s simply lovely. There’s something about when life goes well, relationships go well and you’re smiling for no reason. This is happiness. There are obviously the stresses of life but still every day, I laugh, I work, I move forward. I feel a sense of equilibrium that’s very new, that I am ready to see broken at any moment (as is life), yet I savor. The months of October and November were of substantial growth and personal trial. In October I lost my grandfather, the most profound role model in my life, and still, now, am learning how to heal and how to live in his dreams for me.
They say there’s a kind of silence and peace that comes with death or well with loss in general however “they” never tell you where to find it. No one ever teaches you how to put one step in front of the other after you must say goodbye to everything you looked up to for since birth. Not that I’ve found the trick, but I think I’ve finally found the path forward for me. It’s all about the idea that we’ve not lost a spirit, but simply a body encasing it. Live and omit the happiness, joy, wisdom, compassion and morality that you so vivaciously looked up to.
I’ve hesitated and thought for a long time about sharing this on here however I know deep down that others must feel and have felt like this and have tried their hardest to use joy and happiness to fill this hole in your heart. I just wanted to say, that I’m right there with you. Every day putting one step in front of the other a little better than before, trying to laugh through the healing pains and live a life of love.
